Designer Bag GIVEAWAY!

I am back with a great giveaway for you! I am giving away TWO awesome designer diaper bags from Lily Jade. Watch the video below for more info on how to enter!








  Check out Elizabeth in the color Camel. Isn't she lovely!??

And here's a look at just how much you can put inside!

Source: lily-jade.com

Source: lily-jade.com
 

Source: lily-jade.com

And here's a look at "Anna" in the color black! She's definitely a sleek and classic option for moms!

The inside also holds a ton of stuff like Elizabeth! **Source: lily-jade.com**

For more information, or to see more bags from Lily Jade, visit Lily-Jade.com!

I'm Backkkkk...Pregnancy Update

Well, it certainly has been a longgggg time since I have done one of these updates! I have missed working on the blog, but it has been a struggle documenting this pregnancy since the loss of one of my twins. I was not in the right place emotionally to do any updates or documenting. I kept pushing it off week after week because I didn't really know where to start. First, I want to thank everyone for their support through this difficult time. The kind words have been very comforting (especially on rough days).

Many of you have left comments on my Youtube channel asking for an update, and I will have a video out soon. I will not lie, it has been very hard. I've gone though feelings of guilt, anger, and just plain sadness. It's so weird because I have soooo much happiness and love when it comes to my son. I am always talking to him (probably a little too much) and singing to him. I have a very strong bond with him already! I often feel guilty because I wonder if my other baby is looking down sad because I cannot bond with him/her since he or she has passed away. And then I feel bad for my son because his best friend and "womb mate" is no longer here. I often think about how close they would have been, and what life would have been like watching them grow up together.

And I just feel sad at times because I miss having both of my babies period. I love them both, and wish I could have them both. It's hard when people make ignorant comments too.  I've had a few ill mannered people ask me if I am having twins because of how large my bump is, and every time it triggers my feelings about the loss. And then I've actually had people say strange things like losing the the baby was a blessing because babies are expensive and etc. As if I should be happy one of them didn't make it! I don't care if it would cost me millions of dollars, I would never wish to lose a baby. That is just sick!

I wish people knew how to properly address women who are dealing with loss. I might actually make a post at some point on things you should never say to someone who has lost a baby. It's a big deal. I became a mother the moment those babies were conceived and the bond is insane.In my experience, I don't think it something one can ever GET OVER. At least I don't think I ever will. I do however, feel like I will be able to GET THROUGH it though.

I am a little nervous right now because as I get closer to birth I feel like it will be a very happy time...but there will also be sadness because the other baby won't be born. It's such a strange feeling. I guess I feel like we will be celebrating my son, and also coming to terms with the fact that the other baby didn't make it. I'm hoping I can just solely focus on my son, but I feel like the sadness will still creep in at times during the birthing process. My doula has suggested that I write  a letter to the baby who passed away. Perhaps that will help. I also plan to talk to a professional after the birth of my son, and maybe join a loss support group. I have avoided talking to many people about my emotions because I am trying to stay as calm as possible for the rest of this pregnancy.

Other than dealing with the loss, my pregnancy has been great. I am looking forward to being a mom, and I feel extremely blessed. I actually love being pregnant! I think growing a baby is such a beautiful thing. I feel prettier than ever and overall happy. I do not complain about being ready to pop, the pain, and etc. I am not trying to rush him into the world just so I can "have my body back" and etc. I want to my son to stay put as long as he needs to. If that means carrying to 42 weeks, so be it lol. I just want the best for him, and I just feel blessed to even have him!

At any rate, I am back to documenting my journey! I plan to have a few more posts for you guys later in the week. Stay tuned!

The Crib is Here!

I am so excited that the baby's nursery is starting to come together! We were once using the space as storage, so it was a cluttered mess. Last weekend, the hubster and I (well he did 90 percent of the work lol) finally moved everything out of the nursery. As a result, the rest of our house is now a cluttered mess..but that's neither here nor there!

Hubby then began prepping and painting. He removed the old ceiling fan/lighting fixture combo, and began priming the ceilings. This week, he moved on to painting the ceiling and priming the trim and closet. A lot has to be done in the room! In case you guys don't remember, the previous home owners had a great love for blue, and decided to paint most of the ceilings in our house a light shade of blue. So you can imagine all of the fun we've had getting rid of the blue ceilings one room at a time.

Anywho, hubby is making great progress, and should have the bulk of the painting done this week! Oh, and we got another great surprise Friday when the baby's crib was delivered...yay! We ordered the yellow Jenny Lind style crib by Davinci in the color "Sunshine."

We have not put it together yet, but here's a pic of what it looks like:

Pregnancy Week 15 Update

Today's Date: 5/26/14 

How far along-  15 weeks and 4 days pregnant

Baby is the size of: Apple

Favorite moment this week- Feeling the baby move, and then confirming it with the doppler (see last entry)

Miss Anything: The last week or so, I started to miss alcohol. We'll be making some virgin mocktails later today! I also miss having nice skin. People keep telling me how pretty my skin is and how pretty I look. It's just makeup lol. They keep saying I am glowing, but I just think it's a mix of sweat and bronzer!

Movement: I started feeling flutters around 9 weeks, but wasn't sure it it was the baby or not. As the weeks went on, I kept feeling the same flutters. I know for sure I felt the baby move within the last week because I felt some flutters on the left side of my tummy. I then immediately put the doppler in that spot, and sure enough...the baby's heartbeat was right there! So I can officially say I know I felt our baby move!

Food cravings-  Burgers, fries, Pizza, Popsicles, Indian food, sweets

Anything making you queasy or sick- I have not thrown up so far this week. I still hate the smell of veggies...especially broccoli. I also suddenly have no interest in chicken!

Have you started to show yet- Yes and no! I got button down maternity blouses for work, and they are still a little large and son't show my tummy yet. People cannot tell I am pregnant when I am wearing them, and they are often shock when I tell them I am with child. However, when I wear fitted shirts and dresses outside of work...everyone cane see my bump. And many of them tell me I look further along than just 15 weeks...gasp!

Weight Gain: 3 pounds up from my pre-preg weight.

Exercise: Some walking here and there. 

Stretch Marks: Just the ones I had pre-pregnancy lol! Although, I think more might be coming soon!

Belly Button in or out- In

Gender- Don't know! My prediction is boy though.

Sleep: Okay, I guess. It is nowhere near what it was like before pregnancy.....

Looking forward to: Finding out the baby's gender is just a few weeks...and shopping for my pumpkin

Other Notes: I am a verrrry happy preggo lady! Everyone mentions how happy I look all of the time too. I'm never really cranky or snippy like many pregnant women. And I am still obsessed with my sweet hubby!

Pregnancy Week 10 through 14 Recap

*This post is a recap. It was written a week after my 15 week mark. Please keep that in mind when reading.

Today's Date: 5/26/14 (written at 15 weeks and 4 days pregnant)

How far along- weeks 10 through 14 recap (written at 15 weeks and 4 days pregnant)

Baby is the size of: getting bigger!

Favorite moment this week- The past few weeks have been pretty good. My favorite thing was purchasing the sonoline b fetal doppler so we could listen to the baby's heartbeat. In the beginning it took us way longer to find the baby because it was sooo tiny and we had to learn how to use the equipment, and what to listen for. But as the weeks went on, it became so easy to find! We are now able to find the baby within just a few seconds...literally! Oh, also the baby is a mover! But I will put more about that below! Also, at week 12 I was able to stop my progesterone suppositories. Praise the Lord! Those things were messy, and I am sooo happy to be done with them!

Miss Anything: The last week or so, I started to miss alcohol. We'll be making some virgin mocktails soon!

Movement: I started feeling flutters around 9 weeks, but wasn't sure it it was the baby or not. As the weeks went on, I kept feeling the same flutters. I know for sure I felt the baby move within the last week because I felt some flutters on the left side of my tummy. I then immediately put the doppler in that spot, and sure enough...the baby's heartbeat was right there! So I can officially say I know I felt our baby move!

Food cravings-  Burgers, fries, Pizza, Popsicles, Indian food, sweets

Anything making you queasy or sick- Oddly enough, I didn't actually throw up until I hit the 2nd trimester lol. I threw up once during week 12, again during week 13, and one more time during week 14. Two of those were in my car during lunch, and the other was in the morning before work. Lucky for me, I keep garbage bags in my car just in case I need to vomit. They have been a life savor!

Have you started to show yet- Yes and no! I got button down maternity blouses for work, and they are still a little large and son't show my tummy yet. People cannot tell I am pregnant when I am wearing them, and they are often shock when I tell them I am with child. However, when I wear fitted shirts and dresses outside of work...everyone cane see my bump. And many of them tell me I look further along than just 15 weeks...gasp!

Weight Gain: 2 pounds up from my pre-preg weight.

Exercise: Some walking here and there. 

Stretch Marks: Just the ones I had pre-pregnancy lol! Although, I think more might be coming soon!

Belly Button in or out- In

Gender- Don't know! My prediction is boy though.

Sleep: Okay, I guess. It is nowhere near what it was like before pregnancy.....

Looking forward to: Finding out the baby's gender is just a few weeks...and shopping for my pumpkin

Other Notes: I cannot eat very much food at a time. I only eat small portions, but need to eat frequently. Hubby says I base my day on the food I ate. So when I have a good day...it's because I had good food during lunch at work and etc lol. He's kind of right. 

Our Baby Went to Heaven- Week 10 Pregnancy Update

Well, this update is quite depressing.And warning - it is very long. We went in for our appointment at 10 week and 1 day, only to find out that Baby B passed away. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I am always nervous when I go to ultrasounds, but this was our 4th one and all of the other ones went great. The babies always had strong heart beats and measured well in size.  I felt confident going in this time that both babies would be fine. After seeing strong heartbeats and hearing them, the chance of miscarriage drops to like 5% for most people. I even had an ultrasound one week prior and both babies were doing well! I felt like everything was going to go well.

When I went in for the ultrasound, I told the tech that I wanted to do it trans-vaginally so I could see the babies better. She said we could try doing it abdominal first, and then switch to trans-vaginal if I wanted a better look. I said a quick prayer before the ultrasound while holding hubby's hand. The tech found Baby A briefly, and even let us hear the strong heartbeat. I believe it was 152. The picture was so grainy since it was done over the tummy. I could see the baby move some, but it was hard to see exactly what was going on. 

She then went on to start looking for Baby B. She didn't really look very long at all. Maybe just 5 or 6 seconds total. I don't even know how she had enough time to see anything. She then told me I could go empty my bladder, and we could switch to trans-vaginal after that so she could get a better look. 

Once I came back from the restroom, we started the trans-vaginal ultrasound. I didn't think anything of her having a hard time finding Baby B because that baby was the furthest away, and many techs have a harder time finding it. Baby A is the closest to the cervix, and therefore easy to spot. She found Baby B, and then said words I will never forget, " It looks like Baby B doesn't have a heart beat." I just kinda sat there shocked thinking she was going to find it. I kept looking at my husband, and then back at her to see if she made a mistake. She just kept saying the baby didn't have a heart beat, and then began to apologize. I immediately lost it and broke down. 

I will never forget seeing my precious baby laying there lifeless on the screen. It was as if he/she was just floating in space or something. I kept looking at the screen hoping to see the flicker of a heartbeat...but nothing happened. She kept trying to get me to look at Baby A and how healthy it was. Apparently he/she was moving up a storm. I yelled, "No!" at her and covered my eyes while sobbing uncontrollably. As she was getting ready to print off the pictures, I asked if I could also have one of Baby B. She gave me three pics of Baby A, and one of  Baby B.

 I was then told to get dressed (while I was breaking down), and go sit in the waiting area.
They then called me over to weigh in and etc. The lady was so rude to me. I was crying and she knew I was upset. She was not even sympathetic at all, and had a very rude tone. She then sat me down and tried to force me to do blood work. I told her I wanted to wait because I wanted to ask the doctor if I could do the Materniti21 test in addition to my normal bloodwork. She then hassled me about not being old enough to take the test (you have to be 35 for insurance to cover it). I told her I would pay out of pocket. She then rudely ushered me off to my room to wait to be seen by the doctor.

The doctor was nice about the whole situation, and very comforting. He says the baby measured at 9 weeks 4 days. He said it was likely a chromosomal issue, and there's nothing I could have done. Still, I worried if I was to blame. Prior to getting preggo, my reproductive endocrinologist said I had great egg quality...so I was not expecting this. I was so shaken up that the whole thing felt like an outer body experience. It felt like a dream. Kind of like the moment they told me there were two sacs in there - I was in a daze. The doctor told me I could just come back for my blood work and the Materniti21 test later.

I went home and criedddddddddd for hours every day. I would even wake up in the middle of the night already sobbing. I keep pictures of my babies ultrasounds on my night stand so I can always look at them. I spent days just staring at my poor baby laying there lifeless. I was thinking about what could have been- what should have been. My husband tried getting me out of the house for small things to help me clear my mind. However, I was verryyy sensitive. We went to get food, and the song inside the store made me burst into tears right there in public at the register. I had to run out to the car. It was Easter weekend, and we didn't even go to church or see family. And it seems like I keep seeing baby twins everywhere now!

Finally, I told myself that I have to be stronger for Baby A so he/she can remain healthy. I felt so guilty for not watching their little movements during the ultrasound. Once I told myself I absolutely HAD to be strong for the health of  Baby A, things got a little better. I still cry daily, but it has gotten better each day.

I went to a different doctor today (at 10 weeks 6 days preggo) to get a 2nd opinion on Baby B. The doctor confirmed that Baby B was in fact dead, and had already started to dissolve. He/she measured at 9 weeks even today. Whereas last week he/she measured at 9 weeks and 4 days. They say the baby will be absorbed by my body, and does not put the healthy baby at risk.

I was able to get closure today at that ultrasound. I focused on Baby A, and how well he/she was doing. Baby A was a little gymnast today! It was flipping around and moving its little arms so much that the doctor had a hard time getting a good shot! I am so blessed to have been pregnant with both babies, and so happy that Baby A is still thriving. I guess I feel comfort knowing that Baby B will be re-absorbed into my body and in some ways will always be a part of me. It's not going to be easy, but I have to move forward for the health of my other baby, and myself.

I am still taking it day-by-day. Please continue to pray for my babies, my husband, and myself. Also, my weekly preggo stats and ultrasound pics are below! These pics were taken last week when we found out baby B was no longer with us. On the bright side, I can tell they both have hubby's stick-out ears. Too cute! I think baby A has my chubby cheeks.

Today's Date: 4/22/14

How far along- 10 weeks and 6 days pregnant

Baby is the size of: Kumquat

Favorite moment this week- It was a pretty depressing week. I guess resigning from my job Wednesday was the best thing (I gave 2 weeks notice prior)?? Also, finding out Baby A was still alive and thriving was a big blessing.

Miss Anything: Having both of my babies :(

Movement: I have felt something, but it could just be gas!

Food cravings-  Burgers, fries, gyros, Popsicles, and Philly cheese sandwiches

Anything making you queasy or sick-Veggies lol

Have you started to show yet- Yes! People have actually started to notice!

Weight Gain: 1.8 pounds up from pre-preg weight

Exercise: Some walking here and there. 

Stretch Marks: Just the ones I had pre-pregnancy lol! But I just started applying my prevention creams and oil last night!

Belly Button in or out- In

Gender- Don't know! My prediction is Baby A is a boy, and  Baby B is a girl. I took the Materniti21 blood test today. It tests for chromosomal abnormalities, but also gives gender too. The results should be back withing the next two weeks.

Sleep: It was rough after finding out that Baby B died. It's getting a little better each day...but I'm not getting the best sleep. The preggo pillow (Snoogle) does help though. 

Looking forward to: Feeling better with not so much nausea. Also, a real  baby bump! I'm also looking forward to delivering Baby A I never knew pregnancy was so stressful. I just want my baby to get here safely!

Other Notes: My linea nigra has gotten even darker, and now seems to be spreading to above my belly button as well. My skin still looks like crap. I also still have sore boobs, and itchiness from wearing a bra.

Pregnancy Week 9 Recap

*This post is a recap. It was written a week after my 9 week mark. Please keep that in mind when reading.

Blown out hair on 4/13/14

Flat ironed hair on 4/15/14

Today's Date: 4/21/14 (written at 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant)

How far along- 9 week recap (written at 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant)

Babies are the size of: Grapes

Favorite moment this week- I got a Snoogle pregnancy pillow over the weekend. It was a little rough sleeping on it the first night. But after that...it was awesome! It's a bit big and makes cuddling tough. However, it helps me sleep like a baby.

Miss Anything: Energy

Movement: I have felt something, but it could just be gas!

Food cravings-  Burgers, fries, gyros, Popsicles, and Philly cheese sandwiches

Anything making you queasy or sick- Life lol

Have you started to show yet- Yes! People have actually started to notice!

Weight Gain: 2 pounds up from pre-preg weight

Exercise: Some walking here and there. 

Stretch Marks: Just the ones I had pre-pregnancy lol! 

Belly Button in or out- In

Gender- Don't know! My prediction is baby A is a boy, and  baby B is a girl.

Sleep: Tired, but sleeping a little better thanks to my preggo pillow. I also started peeing less during the night.

Looking forward to: Feeling better with not so much nausea. Also, a real  baby bump!

Other Notes: My husband noticed that I now have a linea nigra below my belly button! And sure enough...it is there! My skin looks like crap too! People say I am glowing, but that is a lie lol! I have the worst skin of my life. I started noticing melasma on my cheeks a few weeks ago too. It was my last week of work at the gym (got a new job), and I decided to flat iron my hair!